The story of

Dear God,

I'm at school, not really doing much.
the rain cleared up into a nice enough day.

I'm nervous about the upcoming year.

The courses will be more challenging.

I'm unsure about what I'm doing.

What I'm even aspiring for.

 

How do I place my future,

my life,

my dreams

and visions

and desires

and goals

and plans

 

I n Y O U R H A N D S ?

 

I look at the story of Ishmael

Of Sarah and Abraham taking matters into their own hands

Of doing it ourselves

Of doing it for ourselves

And I hang my heart in shame

Because I am the very same

Through and through.

I am the same.

 

Instead of trusting you

I want to secure it by my own hand

Instead of waiting for you to move

I go ahead of you

Instead of surrender

I take control

Instead of laying my all before you

I grasp tighter with clenched fists

 

What will become of my life? Of me?

But who is going to care about m e .

What of success and meaningful work

What of family and love

 

Jesus I have nothing without you

And yet I live for all the things that you give on the side

When what I should cling onto

Is You.

I have it all because you gave yourself.

And I do not even know you.