just words.

the evil inside me scours at the light.

i can say it if thats what you wanna hear, but would it be real?
would it be honest?

i cant pray. i just cant pray.
the words wont even come out of my mouth. 
its like ive lost a voice.
like my heart and spirit are heavy laden
and even my lips are made of lead. 


i want to self-destruct. in all the wrong ways.

what's more, i want to self-preserve. in all the wrong ways.


i just want to be depressed and sit in my own shit for awhile.
i been living in my own stench so long it doesnt even bother me anymore


what hope do i have Jesus?
tell me what hope i have.


i am so discouraged.
i cannot move one inch.
i am losing.

i will not even lift up my arms.
i dare not utter a word.
i want to close my eyes and drift far, far away.


i feel like Simba.
you said youd always be there for me. but youre not. and its because of me.