I had an intense dream.
I exploded at my father, over the phone.
and I was actually telling him all the things I've never said,
about how I need my space and distance…
… how I don't want to talk to him
… I don't want him in my life
but he had fallen asleep.
and I became absolutely irate
because he wasn't listening
and I couldn't get through to him.
how strange.
and also, not very.
he is always at the back of my thoughts.
what is this dream trying to speak to me?
as for now I am still just not picking up my father's calls.
as for now the thought of speaking to him makes my blood boil.
Jesus, if you want me to reconcile my relationship with my dad
you have to give me the desire for it
I have none by my own will or heart
I just cannot move Lord.
I will not budge unless you tell me to
Why do I feel this way?
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