30.10.10

book study: Alive in Christ- Charles Price

Ch 9
how do we gain access to presence of God, to the Most Holy Place?

through the entrance of the Tabernacle, the first feature in the courtyard was the bronze altar.
it is here that burnt, guilt, and sin offerings were made to God.
from this we can see that access to God begins with the shedding of blood--
"the laying down of life in substitutionary payment for the penalty of sin"

the altar directs us to the Cross of Christ,
the starting point to fellowship with God.
the Cross was a substitute for our sin and our death, paid in full by Christ
it was satisfactory. God required nothing more.
it is sufficient. to doubt the depth of complete forgiveness is to deny the effectiveness of the Cross.
without the confidence that we stand justified before God on the basis of His death alone,
we can neither know God nor enjoy his presence.

Have you been to the Cross,
to the altar where the fire never burns out
and is always available to liberate you from your sin and justify you before God?

at this altar grain offerings were also given
blood offerings dealt with sin, grain offerings dealt with the self
it represented offering yourself, in connection with being forgiven.
on the Cross Christ died for us, but we also died with Him
all that is in us that is apart from God must be crucified
yet not I, but Christ lives in me

for until we avail ourselves of the full measure of the Cross
we shall not experience the fullness of God's purposes for us and in us.

next, was the bronze basin, where priests washed their hands and feet
cleanliness was required before entering the presence of God
though we received justification at the Cross,
we need ongoing cleansing as we fall into sin

Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord?
who may stand in his holy place?
he who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false 

The basin was constructed from the mirrors of women
an instrument originally for the purpose of turning attention to the self
was made to turn attention to God.
in a similar fashion, if we become introspective of our spiritual lives
we will get discouraged, disappointed and despair.
we ought to turn our attention to Christ, in whom alone our righteousness is found.


next, in the holy place, was the table of bread,
and the bread of the presence.
on top of justifying and cleansing us,
the Lord strengthens and sustains us as well.
Jesus is the bread of life.
it is not fellowship, good teaching, or even good doctrine that satisfies or nourishes us.
it is Christ alone.


Next, the Golden Lampstand.


*  *  *
Lord,
i am so guilty of looking inward
i see my wretchedness and i despair
instead of looking to you
to the Cross
and what you have already accomplished
I have yet to learn of your forgiveness
of meeting you at the cross
of being cleansed before you
there are so many places in my inmost being where you do not reside
that i have not crucified and surrendered

Holy Spirit,
guide my heart so that i may be led to true repentance
to turn from the idols i give over to
that i may obey your law
i want to have a pure heart
to walk in your ways

i want to know Christ.
i want you to be real in my life.
i want to be deeply transformed,
i want to genuinely proclaim
that to live is Christ
and to die is gain.
i want to live my life seeking you with all my heart, soul and my everything
but i keep losing sight of who you are
and that you are the one going before me

i keep trying to go up and take the land by force
without your approval

Lord make me humble
that i may be your servant

please show me your kindness
let me have faith in you
and not in me
free me from condemnation
from lies and burdens
help me to see your Truth






9.10.10

it is your kindness Lord that leads us to repentance

I'm feeling sick.
i decided to take the night to rest, put off my studies.
i ended up watching tv all night
mindlessly
and now i'm not tired enough to sleep
i'm only bored
and overcome with lethargy.
here i finally have a rare moment
to do all the things i complain i never have time for
much needed downtime
but my journal stays tucked away on the shelf
along with my sketchbooks
i cant even be bothered to read the books ive been meaning to get around to
im not even interested.
i have some time to reflect
but theres nothing on my mind these days that is even worth thinking about
what am i spending my thoughts on?
anything of value?


so... shall i meet with God?
What do i even have to talk about with him?
Do i need to say anything at all?
if i dont say anything, what do i do?
get comfortable with the silence
just knowing i am in his presence?
take time to listen
to the small inner voice
that will brings things to the surface
direct my thoughts?
listen to my spirit?
for what i need to hear
to see?
i could just pray.
what ever happened to my heart to intercede?

Lord, let my mind wander
help me to be still within myself
to be attuned to your presence
help me to listen with my spiritual ears
to be sensitive to your spirit moving
may i be aware of you
and respond to whatever comes up appropriately....


I feel bad about yelling at my dad and about our exchanges this week
i wish i could communicate better with him.
i feel bad about hurting his feelings like i do.

but what if i could write a new script for my relationship with him?
what would that look like?
i would want the opposite of the way things are now,
the script i have been telling myself for a long time,
that i am completely severed from him
detached
disconnected
and disheartened towards him
if i wrote a new script it would be that i can find a way to connect with him.
that i can actually open my heart to let him in.
i need to change my attitude.
he is not just someone who bothers me
whom i want to shut out.
i keep thinking i dont want to try, it's too uncomfortable
but that is the fatalistic conclusion i have already made
and have been approaching and perceiving it with
i need to tell myself that i can connect with him somehow.
when i choose to, i can actually relate to people easily
i can receive them
talk to them
want to know them
listen
and meet with them.
why cant i do that with my dad? or mom.

connection comes from being honest and transparent with another
i have to be real.
im not real with my dad.
i dont show him who i am
i dont reveal my heart to him
i dont share the intimate, meaningful parts of my self with him
i want to be cold and shut him out
i want to punish him
i want him to feel the hurt of being unloved and rejected
because that is how i have felt my whole life.

i need to forgive my father.

that is what God has been tugging at my heart.
being more forgiving.

Jesus, 
help me to let go of the hurt i have been holding onto
the spite and resentment and desire to lash out in retaliation
though this response was probably a natural inclination arising from my experiences growing up
it is time to stop doing the things i have been doing, to stop the patterns i have grown accustomed to
it is time to do the unnatural
to turn around and walk the other way

Lord help me to find peace in my heart
i have so little capacity to love
i need your divine love and spirit to forgive and be reconciled
to connect
to be honest
to gain a father i already deemed lost
to be found when i deemed myself abandoned
to be touched though i cowered to be alone
there is a lot of hurt on both sides that needs to be healed

you are the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
the God of Joseph.
i know you can redeem.
help me to take a step God.
help me to find the courage and heart to put forgiveness into action
give me the words to say
give me the strength to step out of my comfort zone
they say the only way past something is through it

I am so lacking in grace and love
and so quick to be unmerciful when i am hurt by others
But you command us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

There is freedom in forgiveness.
I need your power to forgive.